How I stopped being so nice and 10x’ed my monthly income.
I'm pretty sure that this is something that many business owners balance every day. I'm not sure if it's entirely a female thing because I know a few amazing males who are too nice as well.
I’ve come to the recent conclusion that integrity doesn’t equal being nice nor has it anything to do with morals and ethics.
What do I mean by that?
Well, first of all I’ll tell you what integrity means to me (I can’t actually take credit for this definition of integrity as it has come from 20 years of personal development and many mentors).
Integrity equals doing what you said you’d do by when you said you’d do it FULL STOP.
This doesn’t have to be the actual words you’ve spoken to another person it can also include “a given” between either yourself to yourself or yourself to others.
Now, we all know shit happens and sometimes it’s not possible to do what we said we would do and that’s ok, all we need to do to stay in or restore integrity is to have a conversation (or some sort of quick communication) to let the other person know that “said shit” is not going to happen and committing to a new time or a new agreement with the person.
Here’s a quick example;
I’m meeting you at 10.30 for a coffee but as I was leaving the house someone turned up at my front door. By the time I finished telling them I was on my way out to an appointment and organising a time to catch up with them I was leaving 10 mins later than my intended departure time.
Google maps now tells me what my departure times needs to be and how busy the traffic and even though I was leaving early to meet you the traffic has become busy and it now means I’m going to be late.
Rather than just racing to meet you and being 10 mins late, I will call you or text you to say. “Hey I got held up and will be running 10 mins late. Does that still work for you?” Not only am I making sure it’s not going to muck up your day, it also lets you know that I really care about you and know that your time is just a precious as mine is. Integrity is restored.
So now that we have my definition of integrity sorted we can go back to my original sentence. Integrity doesn’t equal being nice and I used to think it did.
Not that I’m not nice anymore, it’s just that nice doesn’t have to be a part of my decision making process. I can’t make everyone I meet like me (which I used to be hell bent on doing and caused myself massive amounts of anxiety) but I can do the right thing by others and be in integrity without it being AT THE EXPENSE of myself.
This is where that fire in your belly comes in.
We all need to stop trying to keep everyone else around us happy whether that be in our personal lives or our business lives. You can never guess what another person is thinking about you, a situation, what you said or anything else for that matter, so what makes you think you know what’s going to keep them happy?
Instead, get some determination and grunt and be the best you, you can be (your intention should never be to hurt another) and start making decisions on what is right for you and your business.
Wanting a win-win is awesome, just make sure it really works for you. Watch to see if you are making your decision based on the fear that you will upset someone or if you are making it because it’s what you really want or believe is the best decision for the particular situation.
Get tougher (while keeping the softer parts of you intact). It’s not a fight, it’s just being aware of how you are choosing to make your decisions.
Why am I writing about this? Because it was something that I took on in 2015 and it turned my life and finances around. I went from making practically no money at the end of 2014 to making more money per month than I ever dreamt I could within 3 short months, all because I started putting myself first and making decisions for my business from a position of power and not one of fear.
I just decided that I was smart enough and strong enough as a business woman to make the right decisions and even if they ended up being not the right ones they were right at the time I made them.
I know what I’m doing and I’m awesome at what I do so it came down to trusting myself and not just assuming that people around me had more wisdom and knew better than me.
It’s still an ongoing practice for me and there are many areas of my life that I need to do more of this in but it’s so worth the teething pains of change.
It’s also NOT about the money (although having money is wayyyyyyy better than not having it). It’s about having that feeling of inner peace because I am listening to myself and not second guessing myself so much.
So STOP being NICE. Trust yourself and turn up the temp. You’ve got a fire in your belly to get happening in 2016.
I’d love to hear about something that you changed in your life that may have been a hard shift to make that has had a huge benefit. Let me know in the comments. It’ would also be awesome to know someone is reading my stuff.
Here’s to an amazing and powerful 2016.
Decision Making from a Place of Power Not Fear
Decision making in your business from a place of Power NOT fear will have your income increase in 2016